This Christmas vacation definitely didn’t start the way I had planned.
Two words: Food poisoning.
Funny enough because the morning before I got sick, I listened to a sermon titled, "THIS ISN'T WHAT I PICTURED."
And boy, was that right.
Food poisoning was NOT WHAT I PICTURED.
Merry friggen Christmas to me.
If you’ve ever had food poisoning, you know the drill.
It’s horrible, debilitating and you think you’re going to die.
I’ll spare you the details.
I had to cancel my flight the Monday before Christmas and I didn’t even know if I’d make it home at all.
There I was, laying in bed, feeling like death, laughing to myself. I had so many worries the week before that were totally meaningless now.
The week leading up to going home, I was nervous. There was a part of me that didn't even want to go home. Of course I love my family and wanted to celebrate Christmas with them, but I was nervous about a lot of other things. Maybe you can relate.
I was nervous about the food that would be served.
I was nervous I wouldn't be able to get my workouts in.
I was nervous about how my body looked and how my clothes would fit.
I was worried about being around people who were smaller than me.
I was worried I'd eat too much, feel gross and not be able to skip meals to overcompensate.
And there I was, spending all that time worrying about my body.
Worrying about going home.
Worrying about food.
Living in fear.
And I got flippin food poisoning!
And to think I almost didn’t even make it home for Christmas at all! HA HA HA!
It's like what they say about worry....it's like a rocking chair. You rock back and forth and worry and worry, but it gets you nowhere.
All that worrying didn't even matter.
I could barely keep down water let alone food, couldn't even imagine my next workout because I ached from head to toe, and I was set on living in my pajamas for the next year.
I didn't even care about my body at all. I just wanted to feel better.
How often do we do this in our lives? We worry and worry about things that never even end up happening, right?
By some Christmas miracle, I was able to fly home on Christmas Eve. And there I was, on that last minute flight, in the last row in economy (with a seat that didn't even recline, I made add) and I was happy as a CLAM.
I may have felt mushy and gross from being sick, but I was just happy to not be puking!
I wasn't worrying about food or when I'd workout.
I wasn't worrying about any aspect of my body.
I was just happy that I could eat the mini bag of pretzels from the flight attendant and I was going home for Christmas.
And it's things like this that we take for granted.
I have my health.
I have my family.
I have everything I really need.
And those things are 1,000x more important than what my body looks like in a Christmas dress.
This Christmas, my epiphany came when I finally stopping THINKING about my body all day long.
I actually enjoyed Christmas. I enjoyed my family. And after being so sick, I couldn’t even really worry about the food anyway! My stomach was still a bit wonky, so pigging out was the last thing on my mind.
Thanks to food poisoning, my perspective changed completely. I had a moment on Christmas where I thought to myself, "wow I haven't really thought about my body at all today!"
And that has never happened.
I am always thinking about my body and worrying about my body.
And it was absolutely MIND BLOWING to be on the plane back to California, after a week at home, surrounded by food for seven days, even having eaten Christmas cookies for breakfast when I finally felt better and NOT PLANNING OUT MY NEXT DIET.
I repeat: I was NOT planning out my next diet.
I have tears as I write this.
You know how many plane rides or car rides I have spent planning how I will "get back on track?"
Planning out my a week's worth of workouts and my schedule to lose that last 10 pounds?
I wasn't thinking about any of that.
I can't even tell you how nice it was to not obsess about my body every second of every day this Christmas.
I am finding freedom and it's crazy.
I don’t think we overcome our issues by working harder on them. I think we overcome our issues by letting go of them more. And praying about them more. The goal isn’t to think less of yourself, it’s just to think about yourself less.
And it was sure nice to do that this Christmas holiday.
Is there something you’re going through that you maybe need to be thinking about a little bit less?
Do you need some help trying to see where God is and what he might be doing?
Do you need to be humbled a little bit?
Food poisoning will do it. I promise.
I've always prided myself in being a strong, independent woman, and getting sick sure showed me how helpless I am. There I was, thinking how amazing I was because I drove myself to an Urgent Care and got an IV all by myself.
But, no way, Jose.
It was totally my dad who called multiple Urgent Cares in the area, found the one with a 10 minute wait time and cancelled my flight for me.
Mind you he did this from 3,000 miles away.
Praise God for dads.
And praise God that even when I think I’m alone, and pride myself in it, I’m not. None of us are. Life might not be going the way we pictured it, but God is right there. And other people are too.
We are not alone in our situation.
And sometimes things don't go according to plan because God wanted to teach us a different lesson.
God wanted to free me. Of course it sucked to get food poisoning right before Christmas, I'm not some freakazoid that praises God in the midst of my pain.
But in hindsight, I can see the internal work he was doing in me when I got sick.
And the work he has been doing in me all along.
Getting sick was just an external reminder for how sick my heart and mind have been all along. I've needed to be shaken to my core and brought to the end of myself to realize that life is SO much bigger than worrying about my body every single day.
Like I said, I don’t think we overcome our issues by working harder on them. I think we overcome our issues by letting go of them more.
The goodness of God is real and I pray you see it today, in whatever situation you're facing.
God might be shaking you to your core too, but I promise you, where he's trying to take you is way better than where you are right now.
It's all about perspective.
After all, how else was I ever going to appreciate those stupid little airline pretzels?!
Merry Christmas!
E
P. S. "This Isn't What I Pictured." It's a dope sermon. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU0pVacQ_aE
P. P. S. Shoutout to my dad for getting me on a flight home and calling all those Urgent Cares. Your love and diligence is un-matchable and the amount you do for our family amazes me. You get things DONE! Thanks for getting me home for Christmas. (And for writing a letter to the doctor to get your $700 back haha). This world needs more men like you.
P. P. P. S. I fly a lot. A lot of my thoughts for these posts come when I'm sitting on planes. I think it's about time I get TSA Pre-Check.
Comentários