How am I supposed to be happy right now when there are so many horrible things going on in the world?
Like sure, I was a mess last week.
And yesterday.
And this morning.
And this is actually starting to affect my life.
My friends, my FAMILY....but here I am....
...enjoying a cheese plate on my deck.
Is anyone else deeply distraught right now over all of this?
And you can't help but notice the stark difference between the things people are posting on social media.
One picture is a nurse working in a COVID unit, another is of someone dying in a hospital bed. Then there's the picture of the girl enjoying wine in the bathtub or the neighbors "tailgating" and "social distancing" with their friends.
We are being inundated with positive, negative, happy, crappy, enjoyable and horrific images and videos all at the same time right now.
And everyone and their cousin is telling us how we "should" be coping with all of this.
BUT REALLY-
How the heck are we supposed to be "coping?!"
And here I am posting a picture of not even the best cheese plate I've made this week.
In the middle of a pandemic.
"I have seen all the things that are done under the sun: all of them are meaningless. A chasing after the wind."
Some things in life just feel so meaningless right now.
Can you relate?
"I should have handled that differently...."
I shouldn't have said that....
I should have .....
Have you ever said that to yourself?
Let me stop you right there: NO YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!
You didn't know!!
You have never experienced it!
SO HOW WOULD YOU HAVE KNOWN!??!?!?
We are so hard on ourselves.
We tell ourselves we "shouldn't feel this way" or we are stupid for overthinking or worrying about things.
If you're wired like this too, you're not alone.
You should have felt that way
Especially right now.
YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH THIS IN YOUR LIFE!
None of us have.
Perspective.
Experience.
Time.
All of these things are our teachers.
We change, we grow up, we experience things - and things that were once hard don't seem as hard.
Take for example, teenage Elsa crying about getting her oil changed versus 26 year old Elsa bartering the price of her second cracked windshield in the same month.
Perspective.
Experience.
Time.
We get more resilient and strong with the experiences we have.
But right now? In this pandemic?
We have none of these things.
NONE of them.
We have no perspective to see how we "should" be handling this.
We have no experience to teach us how we "should" be coping or how we "should" be doing.
We haven't even had enough time to process how we "should" be feeling and dealing.
So let's just pause.
Let's just cry.
Let's just mourn.
And let's just be okay with life being so grey right now.
There's always the happy, there's always the crappy.
And horrible things will always be happening.
Always.
But right now? It's just....unbearable.
The horrible things seem to be outweighing the good things, right?
Not being able to hug your loved ones.
Being separated from the people that give you life.
Losing your job.
Being pregnant and worrying about your family even being able to meet the baby.
Oh wait, having a baby in a freaking pandemic.
Trying to home-school your children right now and working full time.
Struggling to pay your bills.
The high school and college students who got their senior years ripped out of their hands.
The Olympic athletes who worked their entire careers and the Olympics got CANCELLED.
The alcoholic who can't go to in-person AA meetings.
Those who already struggle with suicidal thoughts and are now told by the government that they must stay home.
The older generation who aren't as good with technology as the young-ins and feel so alone. And a phone call would make their day. But does their phone ring?
Those who may be trapped in a home or relationship with someone who is abusing them in any way.
The pregnant Mama's worrying about how they're supposed to have a baby in this mess and what if their husbands's can't be by their sides? This one kills me.
The nurses who are so exhausted and just trying to do what they can, but they go home to empty apartments or unable to see their own families because they're quarantined from then.
Those who have lost a loved one. Or more than one loved one.
And the list goes on....
And if I feel helpless right now and I have Jesus, how are the people doing that don't?
How are they coping???
Why are we always waiting for "things to settle down" anyway?
Will they ever?
LIFE IS THE EBBS AND FLOWS.
Life is like surfing. Some days you're getting pummeled by the wave, others you're riding it.
And pandemic or not, amazing things happen. Horrible things happen.
You get married, someone you know gets dumped.
You have a baby, someone you know loses a loved one.
It's just how life works.
And I think this whole craziness right now is a huge slap in the face reminder to us of how little we actually have control over.
And that sometimes? We DO need to just make a nice cheese plate and sit on our deck and watch the sun set.
And we don't have to feel guilty about it.
It's okay to be happy about your Zoom call with your friend even if someone you know just lost a loved one.
It's okay to go on a walk and enjoy hearing the birds chirp even if someone you know lost their job.
And it's okay if horrible things are going on in our world and you are sitting on your deck enjoying that goat cheese.
Because you know what?
Your time will come.
I promise.
It's just the way life works.
The highs give us the persevere to hang in there when the lows hit.
And the lows are hitting.
And nobody really knows what's going on right now or how to handle it.
And all we can do is do our best and assume that everyone else around us is doing their best too.
Assumptions aren't generally a good thing, but I think assuming people are doing their best right now is a good assumption to have.
I know a lot of us are comparing too.
Maybe you're like me and you think you aren't doing enough or helping enough in this time. People are DYING and you're sitting at home making dinner and posting about it on Instagram.
But none of us really know how to handle this.
And...as horrible as this all is...
This is just the way life is this side of heaven.
And right now it's heightened to an unbearable decibel.
I think the only hope I really have right now is the fact that this isn't the end.
It'll never be the end.
And if you want to know why, call me. I'll tell you why. I'm going to spend the rest of my life betting everything that this isn't the end.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens...
A time to weep and a time to laugh
A time to mourn and a time to dance
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.
The author of Ecclesiastes gets it.
This isn't the end.
Xx
E
P. S. I highly recommend reading through Ecclesiastes in this time. It's helped give me hope when I go back and forth with trying to be thankful for the little things and then crying in the shower because my heart is so broken in this time. God is closer to us that we think.
P. P. S. My counselor reminded me of this the other day too- why do you constantly tell yourself that other people have it worse just to make yourself feel better? Stop doing that. Feel your pain. Feel your hurt. It's okay to not be okay. Nobody is okay right now. And your time will come. We are either in a storm, going into a storm, or coming out of a storm....enjoy the stillness and peaceful moments on your deck when you get them.
P. P. P. S. Need a peppy song to dance around and boost your mood? Listen to "With You" by Gawvi
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