I haven't had the desire to write in a while.
It's weird.
It's like I was in this period of enlightenment a few months back and the words just flowed out of me.
Like a dam had cracked and I just couldn't help it.
I couldn't stop writing and posting no matter how hard I tried.
My friend Cailtin can attest to this - all of the voice memos I'd leave her, processing my life and all the things God was doing.
Let's just call it this: Processing overload.
But now?
Silence.
Nada.
My mind has felt still and almost empty recently.
Like I said- it's really strange.
You see, when you're a chronic over thinker, sometimes a quiet mind doesn't seem possible.
But right now, that's exactly what God is asking of me.
He's asking me to quiet my mind.
To settle in.
And to finally stop talking so much.
It's time to actually listen to what He has to say.
God had me in a time of intense growth last fall and into this year. I was processing so many things and growing out of old habits...and it was hard work, let me tell you.
Really hard work.
But right now?
Amidst a global pandemic too?
My mind is at rest.
Finally.
And I've realized it's not about thinking about the change or talking about it or writing about it-it's about doing it.
And it's about putting it into practice.
We have seasons of growth and seasons of application.
But when it comes down to it, words really mean so little when they are not accompanied by action.
It's time to stop thinking about everything so much.
And it's time to actually practice it.
It's time to live it.
Now this isn't easy, don't let me feel you. I have been fighting my inner demons this entire time. I still think negative things and live in a state of anxiety most of the time.
I still have these horrible thought patterns.
I am still fearful that my future will be just like my past.
But I'm doing the work.
I'm fighting the fight.
And I'd bet good money on the fact that you're doing this hard work too.
Good on you, my friend. I am proud of you.
I heard this quote the other day and it knocked me right to my knees,
"If Christ doesn't think that about you, you shouldn't either."
I'm unlearning a lot of things right now. And I'm sure you are too.
And if you're not practicing it, I pray you're at least being made aware of the ways you might need to re-write your script.
This growing up stuff ain't for the faint of heart. Can someone remind me why I wanted to be a grownup so badly?!
I want to go back to my eight year old self and slap her. You fool!
For some of us, our entire thought lives need to be re-written.
Why?
Because we are stuck.
And we live in these negative scripts of what we think might happen because of our past experiences.
Yet, we have no proof that what has happened to us in the past will happen again, right?
And here's the thing: We have NO clue what's going to happen EVER!
Plan all you may, but NOBODY saw any of this coming.
2020 has been a traumatic and enlightening year for us all, hasn't it?
Our past is NOT our future!
And our present isn't even our future.
And we cannot let our pasts affect what is happening right now.
We can't be afraid to do the hard work to dig through all of those lies and hard things we've been through.
We have to re-write the script.
I've had a lot of situations come up recently that have been straight up déjà vu.
It's been...weird.
Weird memories and situations keep repeating themselves.
I've had to consciously remind myself to re-write my script. It's almost like another chance, a do-over.
But the catch?
It's up to me to re-write that script.
So if you're like me, I encourage you to sit down, get still and pause for a minute.
Do some breathing exercises.
I'm not kidding.
Sit down right now and set a timer on your phone for 1 minute.
Just practice your breathing for 1 minute.
Really ask yourself what you are holding on to in your past.
How you can let it go?
How are you letting the past affect what's happening right now?
That crap holds us back from AMAZING things God has ahead of us, and it can even mess up the good things that are right in front of us.
We hold on so tightly, thinking we will be safe if we can predict what's next.
But really? We will never really know what's next.
And that's where faith comes in. We can't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop because it will always drop. But that doesn't mean it's the end.
It's not the end at all, my friends.
We have to fix our minds and thoughts on the right things. We cannot think terrible things about ourselves and our lives and our world. And as hard as it might be to practice this, we have to start!
So how do we do this?
Scripture.
That's how.
And that's why I'll end this post with it, because really, my words are meaningless and empty compared to it.
This is really the only truth you need to read on my Blog:
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
-Philippians 4:6-9 The Message (MSG)
Maybe this is a season to be present and to stop processing everything so much.
Maybe this is a season of actually putting these words into practice.
Maybe this is a season where I finally let go of my past.
I wonder how much my life would change if I actually started to do these things.
I wonder how much more peace I'd have.
I wonder how much more peace you would have if you did it too.
You don't have to have it all figured out. Nobody knows what's going to happen. All we can do is be present, be kind, put what we have learned into practice.
So fix your thoughts on the right things, my friend- and be kind to yourself in the process.
Re-writing a script takes time. Go easy on yourself.
And never forget: "If Christ doesn't think that about you, you shouldn't either."
Be encouraged.
Xx
E
P. S. If you are looking for a guided meditation to do anywhere from 1 minute up to 10 minutes, do yourself a favor and download the "Pause" App. You will thank me later.
P. P. S. The same day I started writing this post I got a text from my counselor with this same Scripture. Haven't talked to her in weeks either, it was totally out of the blue. God is so fun.
P. P. P. S. If you don't have a counselor or therapist, please get one already. It's worth every penny.
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